Types of Facebook Friends

Most people on the internet in the twenty first century have a Facebook account and with the use of this site comes a whole catalogue of Facebook friends. Whether you like the people who appear on your newsfeed or not it has become commonplace to hoard a number of people on your friend list for reasons you are unaware of. Is it to make ourselves appear more popular? Are we too guilty to delete the friends in which we have lost touch? Or are we just too trigger happy when meeting new people that we just have to add them to our growing list of friends two seconds after meeting? Regardless as to what the reason is many of these friends fall into different categories as to what type of Facebook friend they are.

The Foreign Friend:

This friend you may have acquired several different ways. Whether you met them whilst “finding yourself” in Bali or felt bad for the shy exchange student from Italy that came to your school for a week you now have a regular stream of foreign articles and indecipherable status’ clogging up your timeline. Additionally you get to see all their friends comment on their apparently hilarious post, or at least you think it is, really, you have no idea, or see them tagged in the often gloriously sunny beaches of their homeland. Although you ignore much of their posts you can’t fully bring yourself to delete them. Maybe it’s your aspirations to learn another language as you murmur to your computer screen “one day I’ll understand” (fun fact: you won’t), or seeing pictures of their country’s leader makes you feel somewhat engaged in global politics (another fun fact: you’re not), or maybe it’s just your desperation to experience a culture other than your own. Nevertheless they are here to stay.

The Animal Lover:
This is one of two people: Usually it’s your friend’s well intentioned mum that you added on Facebook because “Jan just gets me!” It is their mission to find a home for every poor animal they encounter. Literally every animal. Ever thought about adopting a toothless baby crocodile? There’s a link for that. Thought about housing a gassy ferret? There’s a link for that. How about caring for a blind badger? There’s a link for that. Although this bombardment of adorable animals can be a useful form of procrastination, through time it gets tiresome and often makes you feel guilty for not caring (Sorry Jan!) Alternatively, the animal lover, or more specifically horse lover, can come in the form of that girl you went to school with whose family owns a stable. You regularly find her posting pictures of her and her “bae” Fudge or “the only man she needs in her life” Brownie, her stables sound more like a pantry rather than a place to house her horses. With the constant stream of photo’s you begin to feel ill at the site of jodhpurs and have developed a severe allergy to hay.

The Selfie Star:

Whilst we indulge in taking selfies this person takes it to the next level. Their Instagram is directly linked to their Facebook page and no picture is complete without #blessed. So whilst you are whiling away hours on Facebook when you should be doing your essay that is due tomorrow you are scanning through pictures that make you feel worse about yourself as you seethe with jealousy over their holiday snaps or become tempted to try a pumpkin spiced latte just once (bonus points if you drink it with sunglasses on), they even look good at the gym! With the assistance of Instagram filters this person can make their life seem infinitely better than yours as well as appearing infinitely better looking. Really this person’s function is to test you will power as you curb your temptation to call bullshit on their #nofilter.



The Political Poster:

This person is passionate about everything it seems. No subject can be discussed without their opinion being interjected. Whilst you appreciate some of the articles about how terrible Seaworld is (free Shamu!), how our current voting system just isn’t effective or reports of human violations that are taking place in some corner of the world their stream of political status’ become exhausting. As well as this, it is not uncommon to get a notification alerting you to the fact they have commented on some video or post and are now in an intense debate with a complete stranger. Yet, despite this, you are grateful someone is doing it because really you’re just too lazy to do it yourself and it is handy knowing that you can scroll down their Facebook page and pretend that one of the posts they have shared is relevant to the thing you are meant to be studying.

Although you complain, there is a reason we keep these people as friends on Facebook. They serve some purpose in our technological space. Whether it is for vapid entertainment, adorable pictures or something to aspire to you collect these people for one reason: To distract yourself from doing what you are supposed to be doing. And if you can’t find at least on friend who is one of these archetypes, it’s probably you.


By Grace Martin