Rape,
incest, consensual sex, suicide, birth, death, blood, cutting,
scaring, binging, purging, vomit, ableism, alcohol, smoking, and
clowns all have something in common. No, they're not all in Lena
Dunham's next project. Well, they probably are, but that's not my
point. They're all subjects of contemporary trigger warnings.
The
practice of trading preamble for trigger warnings has exploded in
online and offline communities. Trigger warnings have historically been used in
safer-space feminist blogs to signal topics like violent rape and wartime brutality. Nowadays, these content
warnings cover a range of so-called triggers and that range
seems to be ever-expanding—often in questionable directions.
Trigger
warnings have become popular introductions to status updates on
social networking websites, they precede movie reviews on
entertainment blogs, and they've infiltrated academia. Trigger
warnings are the new normal.
Trigger
warning. Trigger warning. Trigger warning. I cringe every time I
encounter the phrase. I feel physically nauseous. Acrid chunks rise
in my throat. I want to throw-up. My shoulder muscles tighten. I'm
angry. I'm hot with rage. If I had a gun I'd shoot. My eyes tear. I want to cry. I briefly
disengage from reality. A few moments of fight-or-flight. I
consciously reason myself out of reacting. I'm okay. It's over. I'm
still me.
For
me, the very affect trigger warnings aim to prevent is the thing they
provoke. I know, I know. Ironic story, bro.
You
see, I was raped. It happened ten years ago. I was diagnosed with
PTSD. I worked on it. Life got better. I'm not confessing my
lived experience to shock you, or elicit an emotional response, or
get an e-vite to a pity party in my honour. I don't want those
things. I want to provide context for my experience of trigger
warnings, since I'm a member of the intimate public these gestures
simultaneously create and hail.
In
my everyday life I lament trigger warnings for many reasons,
including a suspicion that writers, professors, students, and others
misuse these warnings for selfish gain. Offering a trigger warning is
an easy way to accrue social capital in particular communities—asking
for one is even better. It's performative but not demonstrative. Hmm,
I guess this is where I insert the “but, I digress” transition.
Here goes: but, I digress.
I
don't feel affected by casual mentions or even detailed descriptions
of rape, but I do feel trapped by trigger warnings. These warnings
hail me into an identity that fits like a four-fingered glove on a
six-fingered hand. It says: “you are my audience, you are weak, you
need this.”
I'm
not a victim. I'm not weak. I don't need
unsolicited warnings.
Trigger
warnings are inherently based on an assumption of weakness and a
continuation of weakness via avoidance that I vehemently oppose. I
don't want to be coddled. I don't need a professor to guess what may
or may not trigger me; I don't need a blogger to assume that I can't
stop moving my own eye balls back and forth across a website if I
want to; I don't need someone in a Facebook group to warn me about
the impartiality of their screengrab—if it picks some scab deep
down in my grungy bits, I'll deal with the ooze. Exposure therapy
exists for a reason.
Life
doesn't offer trigger warnings. Live doesn't text you: “hey girl,
just wanted you to know that something shitty is going to happen
today. Take a deep breath and be ready.” Life,
like the honey badger, doesn’t give a shit. Life grabs your tits
and shakes you until your soul gets whiplash. Life brings horror and life brings bliss.
I
don't want warnings. I just want life.
Fiercely written and with such a voice. Thank you for this.
ReplyDeleteI think this is a very thought-provoking piece and I thank you for your contribution to trigger warning discourse. However, I take issue with some of the things you've written, particularly your comment, "I'm not a victim. I'm not weak. I don't need unsolicited warnings.Trigger warnings are inherently based on an assumption of weakness and a continuation of weakness via avoidance that I vehemently oppose." I wholeheartedly commend you for what seems like your positive experience with recovery (or healing, or whatever word is appropriate to your life), however, it doesn't seem clear to me in your blog post that you understand that your experience is not universal. The fact that you "don't feel affected by casual mentions or even detailed descriptions of rape" is great, but you cannot assume that every victim and survivor of trauma feels the same way; if you react this way to rape-related writing, you are not who trigger warnings are intended for. Trigger warnings are meant for those out there who are affected by casual mentions of rape, and your piece fails to acknowledge that these people even exist - and they absolutely do. I also question your use of the word 'weak' in this piece - if your argument is that you don't need trigger warnings because you're not weak, your implication is that those who require - or even just want - trigger warnings are weak, and I think that's a problematic argument to make. Particularly as someone who, as you write, has had an experience with rape, I cannot understand how you can criticize someone with similar experiences as 'weak' simply because they don't want to re-experience trauma; I read this as a very condescending argument. Sure, life doesn't have trigger warnings, but why criticize those who take them when they can? Life is hard enough.
ReplyDeleteWhen you see a sign on the road telling you that there's a cliff coming up, you're welcome to drive right on over it, but the sign is just acknowledging that you might get hurt. The sign isn't stopping you, it's just warning you. Not everyone feels comfortable driving in dangerous terrain and their experience needs to be acknowledged and considered. They are no weaker than other drivers.
Thanks Gord!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment Rebecca.
ReplyDeleteI want to clarify that I'm not actively campaigning against trigger warnings - I realize some people find them valuable. I want to share my perspective and my anger, knowing it's not necessarily a popular POV.
As far as my use of "weak," well, I question it too. I thought of some of the same issues you mention but I decided to eschew my concerns. I wrote my feelings, not my reasoning. I wrote my condescension because sometimes it's knotted up with everything else.
I appreciate your critical unpacking of what I put out here.
I like how this is written. In my opinion, you write with great nuance.
ReplyDeleteI like how this is written too, you have a great 'voice' with your writing it just made me want to keep reading this really thought provoking and different take on trigger warnings.
ReplyDelete